No, I'm not lofty enough to think I can personally walk on water. But I know the one who can, who has, who can calm a storm with just the raising of His hand. It's because I know Him, know Him well enough to trust Him with EVERY aspect of my life, that I can make the decision I've made recently.
This blog is my way of thinking aloud and sharing my journey with friends, family, maybe even strangers. I hope that this journey, this stepping out of the safety of the boat, with full faith in Christ and His beckoning to "come" will glorify Him and the Father in every way. Just as God provides us insight into the personal lives of His people in Scripture, not hiding any aspect of their character-- the good, the bad and the ugly, I hope to share my journey as He leads.
As I write this first blog, I've not officially signed on the dotted line declaring my decision to leave the "safety" of the corporate world and nice financial income it provides. But that's only because I cannot send it in for another month. I'm asking God during this time to reveal His will to me and use this time to be a great witness to many. I have such peace in my heart and mind that I am to walk away from this chapter of my life and into the unknown future. I liken it to the stormy waters that Jesus asked Peter to step out of the boat into. I noticed two things in particular about that story in Scripture that seem to relate fully to where I am right now. Those two things are highlighted in red below within the story. Here's the account as told in Matthew 14:25-32 (NIV):
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Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
**“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. **But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
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To the first point, most of the time, Peter jumped before asking any questions. He was the first one to volunteer and the one that was ready to tackle anything without first giving it much thought. But in this particular case, he had fear, or at least great hesitation. Before he took action this time, he wanted to make sure it was Jesus who was calling him out. Unlike Peter, I'm often the one who likes to analyze things, put plans together, count the cost. I'm married to a "Peter" though :-) We are a good balance together--apart we can get ourselves into trouble!
I definitely have been going through the analysis part of my decision. First and foremost I want to make sure that it is Jesus calling me out, and not my own thoughts or will. If He is calling me out of the boat, then I can fully trust that no matter what, He is with me. If I'm doing this out of my own will, He'll still be with me, but there will be consequences that I'd rather not have to face!
To the second point, as long as Peter was focused on Jesus, he was able to walk on the water and the storm raging around him did not affect him. But as soon as he focused on the storm and the reality of what he was doing (walking on water---not natural--foolishness to the world), he started to sink. He started second-guessing his decision to take that step and doubted the trustworthiness of Christ's call and promises.
Most of the time during this decision process, I have had peace and joy in my heart as I focus on God and the possibilities He is laying out for me even though I cannot see them yet. But at times, my mind starts to focus on the worldly. Thoughts like, "what if I cannot find another job and the money runs out? What if something major happens to our health or we need material repair to property that's costly? What if our kids get into a financial bind and need help? So many people are unemployed right now and can't find work. Am I crazy for even thinking about doing this at this time when so many are unemployed?"
I've had some friends and family reinforce these doubts. But for the most part, I've had very Godly friends and family encourage me to take this step of faith. In my own heart, I realize that this is very much an answer to many of my prayers, particularly around "Lord, help me to walk closer to you and trust in you more!" When I no longer chase after (worry about) the things that the pagans chase after (where will I sleep, what will I eat, what will I wear?), I will be forced to refocus my attention and provisional needs on the Lord. This in itself will re-prioritize my spending habits, my relationships with friends and family and my time to worship/meditate on Scripture. I will have more time to be still and KNOW that He is God---Jehovah Jireh (Yahweh-yireh--the Lord provides!).
So I invite you to journey along with me as I step out of the boat and into the stormy waters. I know that I'm not on this journey alone. Not only do I have my Lord with me, but I have many friends and family supporting me in prayer and encouragement. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I can't wait to see what God does next with my life!!!
Did I mention that this is the only income our family has coming in (minus a small monthly military retirement check)? Yeah, that wave just got bigger :-)
