I want to thank all of you who have been on this journey with me and lifting me up in prayer. This is my last post on this topic because the boat has capsized. I have stepped out and am standing on the water with no option to return to the economical security of the boat--or in this case, the job at Cisco. From now until the unforeseeable future, my postings will be about "Life on the Water". I very much look forward to living in a new realm of faith and dependence on God. He has already given me glimpses of what may be to come. But I won't assume or presume anything...I will wait until He shows me the next step before I share anymore.
I'll see you on the water...drinking in the Living Water!!!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
The Storm is Raging
Yesterday I had a brother who is extremely well versed in economics and investing, come over to review my paperwork for early retirement and help me determine what's the best stewardship of the resources I'm being given. Yes, I guess I should have done this weeks ago--before I made my decision. But if I had, I might still be gainfully employed today out of fear.
He made a statement that struck definite fear and doubt about the wisdom of my decision into me. He said "in my professional opinion, with the coming financial crisis in our nation, one unlike we've ever experienced before, your best defense and investment opportunity from a worldly standpoint, is a great paying job--which you just gave up." Wow....my heart did skip a few beats and my brain immediately was accusing me of being the most stupid person in the world! I do value this man's opinion greatly. He has followed, studied, analyzed and lived long enough in our economy, to understand the inner workings of it far greater than I. I just praise God that he is a fellow-believer and our trust is in God and not in the wisdom, the money, the philosophies of this world.
I have to confess, his words have weighed heavy on my mind and heart since yesterday. I do have 7 days to retract my decision. I could contact our HR department on Monday and withdraw this with no fear of repercussions. As a matter-of-fact, my manager would LOVE it if I would do this. I have even entertained this idea off and on since yesterday. But, before my feet hit the floor this morning, I was in prayer about this and other things, and I've been in communion with the Lord all day since. It's been a sweet sweet day. He has calmed me and reminded me that trust is not real trust, until you can trust when things get hard, get scary, get dark. Is my trust in Him real? Or is it a backup plan only? Those words yesterday are also making me hungrier to get into THE Word and dig out all of the promises God has made to me which are penned there and cling ever more tightly to them. This is a great place to be!
Just as Peter had to refocus his attention on Christ and off of the raging seas when he stepped out of the boat, I have to do the same. And this isn't just a story that I'm reading about, this is my life. I'm living out the principals and faith that God has been building in me all along. So, for today at least, (and I pray for evermore) I'm pushing past the fear, overlooking the raging storm that threatens to overtake me, and focusing on the One, the only One, who has authority over that storm.
I very much appreciate your prayers with me!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Faith In Hindsight
I sign the papers and send them out this week. I will do that tomorrow or Tues. I want to read through them one more time to ensure I haven't missed anything (that's the fact-checking/verification side of my personality). But the day is here that I take another step out of the world and closer to Christ.
This morning, our Pastor delivered a message that spoke directly to my heart (as well as Rusty's). The main passage of Scripture came from Genesis 32:9-12:
Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, LORD, you who said to me, ‘Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,’ I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two camps. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.’”
Jacob was praying for God's protection as he prepared to meet with his brother whom he'd had a major falling out with (to put it mildly) and truly expected would still be angry enough to kill him and his children. And a part of that prayer that really stood out to me today, was the reminder of the promises of God made in the past, and applicable to the future. Jacob was remembering those promises made to him and his forefathers as long as they walked in obedience and faith. Our Pastor this morning then encouraged us to bow our heads and remember the promises that God has made to us and remember a time, or times when God had proved faithful in our lives personally in the past, and remember that His promises endure forever. He is not fickle and can be counted on to do His part in keeping those promises.
As I meditated on this, I specifically remembered 3 other times in my life that I walked out in faith, fully relying on the Holy Spirit to lead and sustain me. And in each and every circumstance, He exceeded every expectation and grew me even stronger in faith and reliance on God and His Word. I wanted to share those 3 other times here.
1) In 2000, when I had submitted to Christ only 2 years prior and Rusty had only a few months prior, God asked us to give up our jobs, trust Him and move from the state of Texas, and move to IL where we knew no one. We'd never lived in IL. Never had a desire to live in IL---actually avoided it with all our might while in the Air Force :-) It's one of those places we'd determined in our mind that we'd "never" live. We've since learned to quit using the word "never" :-) We put our home up for sale (our dream home we'd only been in for 13 months) and within 2 months, were moving to IL. God provided a way for that to happen fully funded and jobs intact!
2) In 2004, the job that I'd transferred to in IL was being moved back to Texas or to CA. I had to make a choice of moving to Texas or CA (another state we'd determined we'd never live in ;-)), or take a severance and stay in IL. That was really a tougher call. In spite of our desires, God had put us in a very large house with a large mortgage and even larger property taxes and jobs there did not pay what I was making--especially someone with no degree. Plus, the opportunity to move back to Texas where we'd met, had our daughter, and lots of friends, was VERY tempting. So tempting in fact, we first opted to take the move to Texas and keep employment. But after making that decision, we were convicted that it wasn't what God deemed best for us. So, we changed our mind and opted to take the severance and stay in IL. Well, that step of faith resulted in a better job with the same company and the opportunity to work full time from home! So now we were free to live ANYWHERE God so chose and still keep the job.
3) In 2007, in a very unexpected turn of events, Rusty and I found ourselves buying a house in Brown County IN. Our vision was to buy land, or a small "weekender" cabin for retirement in the very distant future. So, now with 2 mortgages and property in two states that needed full-time maintenance, we had to make a decision about moving. With a plethora of existing homes on the market in the small IL community we lived in, we knew it would have to be God's hand to move us when/if it were His will. Three months later, the day after we completed teaching a 6-week discipleship class, our house in IL sold and we had only 30 days to move out! God's hand had moved, His will for our next step revealed and we've been blessed beyond measure with a Christian bookstore business, wonderful Church home, and intimate friendships in a small group not felt since our days with friends in Texas.
All 3 of these examples of God's faithfulness to us flooded my thoughts and heart as I remembered how He's always kept His promises. All I need to do is obey His leading and trust that He will meet our every need. Every time I've put my faith and trust in His promises and His character, I grow even more amazed and humbled by His care, love, provision, guidance, holiness and power. Who am I that He is mindful of me indeed! Earlier this morning (3:00 am actually), I awoke with the encouragement from Matthew 6:24-26 on my mind and heart. A little anxiety had crept into my mind and He quickly replaced it with that Word and reaffirmed it as I worshiped corporately with the Body today.
So now I have even more excitement about what He has in store next for us! I know it will amaze and delight us and we'll again go to our knees in total gratitude and faith in our Mighty God, Savior, Deliverer, Strong Tower, Friend, Lord, and Father!
This morning, our Pastor delivered a message that spoke directly to my heart (as well as Rusty's). The main passage of Scripture came from Genesis 32:9-12:
Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, LORD, you who said to me, ‘Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,’ I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two camps. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.’”
Jacob was praying for God's protection as he prepared to meet with his brother whom he'd had a major falling out with (to put it mildly) and truly expected would still be angry enough to kill him and his children. And a part of that prayer that really stood out to me today, was the reminder of the promises of God made in the past, and applicable to the future. Jacob was remembering those promises made to him and his forefathers as long as they walked in obedience and faith. Our Pastor this morning then encouraged us to bow our heads and remember the promises that God has made to us and remember a time, or times when God had proved faithful in our lives personally in the past, and remember that His promises endure forever. He is not fickle and can be counted on to do His part in keeping those promises.
As I meditated on this, I specifically remembered 3 other times in my life that I walked out in faith, fully relying on the Holy Spirit to lead and sustain me. And in each and every circumstance, He exceeded every expectation and grew me even stronger in faith and reliance on God and His Word. I wanted to share those 3 other times here.
1) In 2000, when I had submitted to Christ only 2 years prior and Rusty had only a few months prior, God asked us to give up our jobs, trust Him and move from the state of Texas, and move to IL where we knew no one. We'd never lived in IL. Never had a desire to live in IL---actually avoided it with all our might while in the Air Force :-) It's one of those places we'd determined in our mind that we'd "never" live. We've since learned to quit using the word "never" :-) We put our home up for sale (our dream home we'd only been in for 13 months) and within 2 months, were moving to IL. God provided a way for that to happen fully funded and jobs intact!
2) In 2004, the job that I'd transferred to in IL was being moved back to Texas or to CA. I had to make a choice of moving to Texas or CA (another state we'd determined we'd never live in ;-)), or take a severance and stay in IL. That was really a tougher call. In spite of our desires, God had put us in a very large house with a large mortgage and even larger property taxes and jobs there did not pay what I was making--especially someone with no degree. Plus, the opportunity to move back to Texas where we'd met, had our daughter, and lots of friends, was VERY tempting. So tempting in fact, we first opted to take the move to Texas and keep employment. But after making that decision, we were convicted that it wasn't what God deemed best for us. So, we changed our mind and opted to take the severance and stay in IL. Well, that step of faith resulted in a better job with the same company and the opportunity to work full time from home! So now we were free to live ANYWHERE God so chose and still keep the job.
3) In 2007, in a very unexpected turn of events, Rusty and I found ourselves buying a house in Brown County IN. Our vision was to buy land, or a small "weekender" cabin for retirement in the very distant future. So, now with 2 mortgages and property in two states that needed full-time maintenance, we had to make a decision about moving. With a plethora of existing homes on the market in the small IL community we lived in, we knew it would have to be God's hand to move us when/if it were His will. Three months later, the day after we completed teaching a 6-week discipleship class, our house in IL sold and we had only 30 days to move out! God's hand had moved, His will for our next step revealed and we've been blessed beyond measure with a Christian bookstore business, wonderful Church home, and intimate friendships in a small group not felt since our days with friends in Texas.
All 3 of these examples of God's faithfulness to us flooded my thoughts and heart as I remembered how He's always kept His promises. All I need to do is obey His leading and trust that He will meet our every need. Every time I've put my faith and trust in His promises and His character, I grow even more amazed and humbled by His care, love, provision, guidance, holiness and power. Who am I that He is mindful of me indeed! Earlier this morning (3:00 am actually), I awoke with the encouragement from Matthew 6:24-26 on my mind and heart. A little anxiety had crept into my mind and He quickly replaced it with that Word and reaffirmed it as I worshiped corporately with the Body today.
So now I have even more excitement about what He has in store next for us! I know it will amaze and delight us and we'll again go to our knees in total gratitude and faith in our Mighty God, Savior, Deliverer, Strong Tower, Friend, Lord, and Father!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Stepping Out
I don't want to bore you all with day-by-day details of this new chapter of my life....but I've been asked by a few of you to make sure I keep you updated on what God is doing during this time of "stepping out" in faith. So, I'll give a short update here.
As of today, I have 18 days until I sign the paperwork with my intent to retire. And still, for the most part, I'm very sure this is what God wants next for me. In my human weakness, I allow myself to look at it from the world's perspective and I start to feel doubt and yes, even a tad bit of panic! I said I wouldn't hide my feelings here....the good, the bad the ugly. In full confession, at times I think I'm being totally crazy and that God would never ask me to give up something that without a doubt--He provided to me. I did not get this job on my own merit. The job I have recommends a Master's Degree. I don't even have an Associates! It pays extremely well--way much more than I deserve (a lot like His grace and mercy). So, when I get into that worldly mindset of what I have been given.....I do doubt greatly the wisdom of this decision.
But then, I pray. And within a few minutes, my soul and mind and heart are comforted and I have total peace and JOY JOY JOY over what God is doing! This morning as I was writing in my journal, a passage of scripture came to me that I'd not thought about in a long time time. It's out of Isaiah 43:18-21
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
The wild animals honor me,
the jackals and the owls,
because I provide water in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland,
to give drink to my people, my chosen,
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
The wild animals honor me,
the jackals and the owls,
because I provide water in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland,
to give drink to my people, my chosen,
the people I formed for myself
that they may proclaim my praise. "
that they may proclaim my praise. "
I can already sense that God is doing a new thing in my life. In the past week alone, I've been more "available" because of light workload to just "be" with people. Just this morning, another opportunity to fellowship with sisters who are in need of encouragement and prayer came about for tomorrow. God is using my time, my house, my pool, and beautiful weather for His Kingdom. This is EXACTLY my prayer :-) I'm so excited to see how He grows me and whatever else He has in store for me in the future!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Walking on Water
No, I'm not lofty enough to think I can personally walk on water. But I know the one who can, who has, who can calm a storm with just the raising of His hand. It's because I know Him, know Him well enough to trust Him with EVERY aspect of my life, that I can make the decision I've made recently.
This blog is my way of thinking aloud and sharing my journey with friends, family, maybe even strangers. I hope that this journey, this stepping out of the safety of the boat, with full faith in Christ and His beckoning to "come" will glorify Him and the Father in every way. Just as God provides us insight into the personal lives of His people in Scripture, not hiding any aspect of their character-- the good, the bad and the ugly, I hope to share my journey as He leads.
As I write this first blog, I've not officially signed on the dotted line declaring my decision to leave the "safety" of the corporate world and nice financial income it provides. But that's only because I cannot send it in for another month. I'm asking God during this time to reveal His will to me and use this time to be a great witness to many. I have such peace in my heart and mind that I am to walk away from this chapter of my life and into the unknown future. I liken it to the stormy waters that Jesus asked Peter to step out of the boat into. I noticed two things in particular about that story in Scripture that seem to relate fully to where I am right now. Those two things are highlighted in red below within the story. Here's the account as told in Matthew 14:25-32 (NIV):
======
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
**“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. **But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
========
To the first point, most of the time, Peter jumped before asking any questions. He was the first one to volunteer and the one that was ready to tackle anything without first giving it much thought. But in this particular case, he had fear, or at least great hesitation. Before he took action this time, he wanted to make sure it was Jesus who was calling him out. Unlike Peter, I'm often the one who likes to analyze things, put plans together, count the cost. I'm married to a "Peter" though :-) We are a good balance together--apart we can get ourselves into trouble!
I definitely have been going through the analysis part of my decision. First and foremost I want to make sure that it is Jesus calling me out, and not my own thoughts or will. If He is calling me out of the boat, then I can fully trust that no matter what, He is with me. If I'm doing this out of my own will, He'll still be with me, but there will be consequences that I'd rather not have to face!
To the second point, as long as Peter was focused on Jesus, he was able to walk on the water and the storm raging around him did not affect him. But as soon as he focused on the storm and the reality of what he was doing (walking on water---not natural--foolishness to the world), he started to sink. He started second-guessing his decision to take that step and doubted the trustworthiness of Christ's call and promises.
Most of the time during this decision process, I have had peace and joy in my heart as I focus on God and the possibilities He is laying out for me even though I cannot see them yet. But at times, my mind starts to focus on the worldly. Thoughts like, "what if I cannot find another job and the money runs out? What if something major happens to our health or we need material repair to property that's costly? What if our kids get into a financial bind and need help? So many people are unemployed right now and can't find work. Am I crazy for even thinking about doing this at this time when so many are unemployed?"
I've had some friends and family reinforce these doubts. But for the most part, I've had very Godly friends and family encourage me to take this step of faith. In my own heart, I realize that this is very much an answer to many of my prayers, particularly around "Lord, help me to walk closer to you and trust in you more!" When I no longer chase after (worry about) the things that the pagans chase after (where will I sleep, what will I eat, what will I wear?), I will be forced to refocus my attention and provisional needs on the Lord. This in itself will re-prioritize my spending habits, my relationships with friends and family and my time to worship/meditate on Scripture. I will have more time to be still and KNOW that He is God---Jehovah Jireh (Yahweh-yireh--the Lord provides!).
So I invite you to journey along with me as I step out of the boat and into the stormy waters. I know that I'm not on this journey alone. Not only do I have my Lord with me, but I have many friends and family supporting me in prayer and encouragement. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I can't wait to see what God does next with my life!!!
Did I mention that this is the only income our family has coming in (minus a small monthly military retirement check)? Yeah, that wave just got bigger :-)
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